I've been hunting down Mortal Kombat for the Wii for the past year and then this past weekend we found it!! I love fighting games! This one is so great! You get to do moves with your wii remote. Here's a video...it is very graphic, you have been warned.

Let's write and remember the good times. We spend so much rehashing the bad and we forget to be grateful for the good.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/431241/

Show us a picture of the pet you'd most like to have in your life.

Mini Dauchshund!!

Tucker

After 3 years, I have finally come to the end of one of my longest long term commitment, my Gym Membership.

Three years ago, I was 21 and on the cusp of being the heaviest I have ever been. I felt I needed to do something to change. I went to the gym at San Jose State, but it wasn't working for me.I figured, if I pay every month, I will feel the need to go. So there I went, by myself to Bally's on Capital and tried to use a free 2 week pass. I was led through the tour, then sat down and the trainer discussed different options for me. I was so blinded by the promise of a better body and smell of sweat to realize I had just signed over my bank account and life over to them for the next three years.

Initially I went, but didn't really have any motivation. I went through spurts of anger at myself for gaining weight, then felt hopelessness when it didn't seem to work. I had days where I drove to the gym, got into the parking lot, and felt so bad about it all, the dread of going in and waiting for a treadmill, working out with so many people and my weight that at times I drove home again to avoid it all. I would eat and feel better. Who cares if I didn't fit my old jeans anymore, it probably shrank. Denial set in. Okay so, I went up a size, it's okay, I can lose it quickly. Then it went up to two sizes, then 3...then so on. My old wardrobe was stuffed into bags, pushed to the back of my closet. New jeans occupied the space.

There were days i said this is it, I will stop being inactive and be active. Stop feeling sorry for myself and do something about it.

One year went by. I hated driving so far to go to the gym. So many broken promises to myself. I started, then stopped. I went with Stephen, then stopped. I hated myself for failing so many times.

I managed to lose weight, get back into my old pants by graduation of college. I started working, I gained it back slowly, then rapidly. Skirts were the only way. Skirts that would fit nicely on my hips were now settling for the smallest part of my waist, high above. The fat around my knees were more apparent, and my clothes were once again stuffed away. I hung up one pair of jeans and said I will fit these. They became wall art.

Trinh's friend asked him if I was getting fat. Getting? I was. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I became depressed. Anxiety took over. I needed to do something.

Year 2- 23 years old.

This was going to be the year I was to change. I needed to be happy. One thing at a time. First, gym. Must embrace it and go. I stopped going to the one on Capital and went to the one near my house and it became an obsession over time.  In February I cut out meat all together and focused on being conscious of what I ate. Food and the gym were no longer the enemy, but my allies. I was obsessed with both. How much was I eating and how much was I going to burn? By August I dropped my weight and was closer to getting to my goal. I was happy to buy new clothes, this time smaller sizes. I broke up with Trinh, my second longest relationship. I moved on. I got rid of all that made me unhappy. I met Kris. I spent more time with friends and family. I lessen my trips to the gym and experienced guilt and separation anxiety. I feared constantly that I would get fat all over again.

Ending my relationship with Bally's was anticlimactic. No negotiating, no groveling, just a simple yes Ms. Nguyen, your membership is now over and we will stop any future payments.

I still have my issues with food. I love it. I love cooking for everyone and I encourage people to eat, but I go through binges, constantly fighting an internal battle with myself. There are times I let go and just eat, but then there are times I think as I eat. I am on my scale every morning and every evening. First thing I touch in the morning is my tummy, how much excess skin is there, is it flat, is it not. I look at labels. I don't look at labels. I eat with friends and  I forget about it all, only to feel dread after. I am so grateful to be able to eat, I must always remember that, but I can't get past it. I've gone on weird binges. Having deprived myself from chips for so long, I recently rediscovered my love for spicy Fritos and found myself eating one bag a week for a month. I finally cut myself off and said that was enough. It's like an addict fighting to not fall off the wagon.

I need to retrain myself. I can't depend on the gym, but myself now. I must set up and maintain my own exercise routine, rain or shine. No more easy escape to the treadmill, I have to go out there myself and run myself, push myself, no more buttons to hit to accelerate. I feel like I just got out of a controlled environment and now I am left to my own devices to maintain.

I am going to embark on another journey. A test to see if my self control can be done without my ally the gym. Will my other ally, food, turn and become an enemy?

Here's to doing it on my own. 
 

This video is hilarious! For all those facebook/myspace photoshoppers...we're onto you!

I Will Possess Your Heart:

On Saturday, Kris, Xochi and I went to Peanuts for breakfast and on the way there we saw these two girls standing on the corner talking. First, we looked at the girl in black and we just said she did not look happy, then we looked at the other girl and Xochi pointed out the grey pants super tight tucked into the shoes, not any hoses, white open toes with the bow. The outfit would have worked if she bought pants that fit her right length wise and some closed toe flats and lose the t shirt!....ALL WRONG

Fug

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We were in Newark, NJ. I tested out my timer on my camera for the first time.

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1 comment

I need to really get back into the gym.
I've been going off and on. I need to stop lagging.